Posts Tagged ‘observation’

perspective…

I had myself a good long doodle tonight. I got home stressed out about certain aspects of life. So, to decompress I grabbed my trusty pen and a Moleskin sketchbook and started drawing lines. I used to doodle like this when I was in high-school but I have been so caught up in life lately that I feel as though I’ve grown out of my creative self. I don’t like the notion or the feeling.

I am now resolving to ‘reclaim’ my creative side, the spiritual (not religious) side of me that found beauty in everything, in the everyday and the ordinary. Every person I saw on the street was either exotic or lovely in some way and even ordinary objects held a luster… It was almost mystical. Everything held allure for me. It wasn’t a ‘rose colored glasses’ type thing either. I guess you could say it was almost gothic the way I looked out at the world. I loved feeling alone, being alone. I loved the dark side of everything much better than the bright side. I never really suffered from any type of teenage angst or depression (despite how this must sound) but I’m finding it quite difficult to describe that overwhelming feeling of wonder and whimsy I used to have when I was younger. I was more of an observer than I was a participant in anything. I was good at it too. Not really judgmental and purely objective.

Now, I feel that with the addition of two babies and the most incredible guy ever I have become more of a ‘doer’ than an ‘observer’. I find that I no longer pay attention to the way someone’s fingers gracefully wrap themselves around a pen or how mesmerizing the lines on the highway are as they rush past on my way home. When I see birds flying I no longer catch that beautiful line their wings make in their gentle curve or the sweet repetitive motion of whooshing up and down. I now pay attention to weather or not I’m going to make it to work and back on less than a quarter tank of gas or weather or not my child drank enough water for the day. I guess reality got in the way.

I want my objective view back. I will get it back. It’ll just take some active thinking and a different perspective. I used to be that type of person. I couldn’t have changed that much… could I?

(P.S. a picture of my ‘doodle’ drawing will be put up as soon as it’s finished)

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